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The inner workings of the mind of Malcolm, distinguished canine.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Log 011:
I apologize for my lack of communication. I have been underground for well over one year, conducting my work for the CLARM (Chihuahua Liberation and Respect Movement) as I worked tirelessly to be a voice for my brethren and sisters who cannot speak for themselves. My work with CLARM has taken me to the far corners of this world, and I have held tiny puppies in my cold-fusion arms and assisted the elderly into the next dimension with dignity and a lack of sequined pet collars. I must say, this work has been rewarding and it pained me to return home to her and the new canine living alongside her.
Yes, while I was gone I stationed a clone in my absence so as to not arouse suspicion. The clone managed to effectively deceive my human counterpart, and I made quick dispatch of him upon my return. Under cover of night and a modified chloroform gas, I was able to return to my basket with nary a bark of suspicion from Black.
Black is the name I have bestowed upon the new dog that now lives with Lisa. I am aware that Lisa calls this one by the insipid name of "Katie", but it is quite apparent that this canine operative is a bit more worldly than the last oaf we lived with, Callie.
Within hours, Black confronted me regarding my secret. I confessed that I had been away, and the dog she had come to know for months was but a poor excuse for yours truly. We spoke the evening away in hushed, growling tones as the humans slept upstairs in the new two-story home Lisa purchased since my departure. (It presented a challenge to locate her again, but since the tracker has yet to detach itself from her epiglottis it was a simple matter of logistics to track down the location.) Apparently, Black has done extensive work on the streets of the West side of Phoenix, dealing with the crime-infested underworld as an undercover agent. She is an established bodyguard with a keen eye and sharp listening skills. I am impressed with how quickly she was able to assimilate herself into Lisa's world, and the wealth of information she has gathered since. She knows the names, urine markers and fecal tracing patterns of every canine living within a half-mile radius.
As is evident by this description I give of her, I plan to make the best use of her highly-developed skills and extensive practical knowledge as I work towards my ongoing goals. She will make a worthy foot soldier in the cause. Her larger size and intimidating stance coupled with her ferocious and dead-serious gaze will assist me greatly, as I am somewhat limited by my age and low weight.
I will make every attempt to update this journal as we progress in our professional relationship. This promises to be a highly-beneficial partnership, both for myself and for the movement.
I advise you to leave this website immediately if you have no knowledge of the movement itself. A great dog once said, "We are only limited by what our minds cannot comprehend." I believe that dog was myself in my university days. Please be mindful of this warning, and act accordingly.
At this time, I bid you farewell, my friends. I shall return with further developments.
--Malcolm
I apologize for my lack of communication. I have been underground for well over one year, conducting my work for the CLARM (Chihuahua Liberation and Respect Movement) as I worked tirelessly to be a voice for my brethren and sisters who cannot speak for themselves. My work with CLARM has taken me to the far corners of this world, and I have held tiny puppies in my cold-fusion arms and assisted the elderly into the next dimension with dignity and a lack of sequined pet collars. I must say, this work has been rewarding and it pained me to return home to her and the new canine living alongside her.
Yes, while I was gone I stationed a clone in my absence so as to not arouse suspicion. The clone managed to effectively deceive my human counterpart, and I made quick dispatch of him upon my return. Under cover of night and a modified chloroform gas, I was able to return to my basket with nary a bark of suspicion from Black.
Black is the name I have bestowed upon the new dog that now lives with Lisa. I am aware that Lisa calls this one by the insipid name of "Katie", but it is quite apparent that this canine operative is a bit more worldly than the last oaf we lived with, Callie.
Within hours, Black confronted me regarding my secret. I confessed that I had been away, and the dog she had come to know for months was but a poor excuse for yours truly. We spoke the evening away in hushed, growling tones as the humans slept upstairs in the new two-story home Lisa purchased since my departure. (It presented a challenge to locate her again, but since the tracker has yet to detach itself from her epiglottis it was a simple matter of logistics to track down the location.) Apparently, Black has done extensive work on the streets of the West side of Phoenix, dealing with the crime-infested underworld as an undercover agent. She is an established bodyguard with a keen eye and sharp listening skills. I am impressed with how quickly she was able to assimilate herself into Lisa's world, and the wealth of information she has gathered since. She knows the names, urine markers and fecal tracing patterns of every canine living within a half-mile radius.
As is evident by this description I give of her, I plan to make the best use of her highly-developed skills and extensive practical knowledge as I work towards my ongoing goals. She will make a worthy foot soldier in the cause. Her larger size and intimidating stance coupled with her ferocious and dead-serious gaze will assist me greatly, as I am somewhat limited by my age and low weight.
I will make every attempt to update this journal as we progress in our professional relationship. This promises to be a highly-beneficial partnership, both for myself and for the movement.
I advise you to leave this website immediately if you have no knowledge of the movement itself. A great dog once said, "We are only limited by what our minds cannot comprehend." I believe that dog was myself in my university days. Please be mindful of this warning, and act accordingly.
At this time, I bid you farewell, my friends. I shall return with further developments.
--Malcolm
